“Go upstairs, grab your shoes, put your water bottle in your backpack, and meet me by the door.”
A few minutes later, you find your child upstairs playing with a toy—with no shoes, no water bottle, and seemingly no memory of why they went upstairs in the first place.
For many families, situations like this happen every day.
It can be frustrating, especially when you’re certain your child heard you. Parents may wonder whether their child isn’t listening, isn’t paying attention, or is simply choosing not to follow directions.
But following directions requires far more than hearing the words someone says.
A child must understand the language, hold the information in memory, organize the steps, ignore distractions, begin the task, remember what comes next, and stay regulated long enough to finish.
When one of those underlying skills is difficult, even an everyday direction can become surprisingly challenging.
At BK Kids Pediatric Therapy in Joliet, IL, our Occupational Therapists and Speech-Language Pathologists help children develop many of the foundational skills involved in following directions and completing everyday routines.
Following Directions Is Actually a Complex Skill
Imagine hearing:
“Put your homework in your backpack, grab your shoes, and then bring your water bottle to the kitchen.”
Before doing anything, your child’s brain has to:
- Hear the entire direction.
- Understand what each word means.
- Remember all three steps.
- Determine the correct order.
- Stop whatever they’re currently doing.
- Begin the first task.
- Ignore distractions along the way.
- Remember the remaining steps.
- Complete the entire sequence.
Adults perform these processes so automatically that we often don’t realize how much is happening.
For a developing child, however, this can require significant cognitive effort.
Working Memory: The Brain’s Temporary Notepad
One important skill involved in following directions is working memory.
Working memory allows us to temporarily hold information in our minds while we’re using it.
For example, if someone tells you:
“The code is 4-8-2-7,”
you use working memory to hold those numbers long enough to enter them.
Children use working memory constantly.
They use it when they:
- Follow directions
- Complete classroom assignments
- Solve math problems
- Remember what they were asked to retrieve
- Follow the rules of a game
- Complete morning routines
- Listen to a story
- Carry out multi-step tasks
A child with difficulty in this area may understand every part of a direction but lose pieces of the information before completing it.
They aren’t necessarily refusing.
They may genuinely no longer remember what came next.
Language Processing Can Affect Following Directions
Sometimes the difficulty isn’t remembering the direction.
The child may not have fully understood it in the first place.
Receptive language is the ability to understand spoken language.
A child with receptive language difficulties may struggle when directions become longer or contain unfamiliar vocabulary and concepts.
For example:
“Before you put your coat away, take your folder out of your backpack and place it underneath the blue bin.”
That sentence includes several language concepts:
- Before
- Out
- Underneath
- Sequence
- Multiple objects
- Multiple actions
A child may hear the entire sentence but only understand portions of it.
Speech-Language Pathologists can evaluate receptive language skills and help children improve their ability to understand increasingly complex directions.
Attention Matters—But It’s Not Always About “Paying Attention”
A child can’t remember information they didn’t adequately attend to in the first place.
Imagine trying to listen to someone while you’re completely absorbed in a television show.
Children experience the same thing.
If your child is deeply engaged in play and you call a direction from another room, they may technically hear your voice without fully processing what you said.
Before giving an important direction, try:
- Moving closer to the child
- Using their name
- Making sure you have their attention
- Keeping the direction concise
- Asking them to tell you what they’re going to do
This doesn’t mean demanding constant eye contact. The goal is simply to make sure the child is available to receive the information.
Executive Functioning Helps Children Get Started
Sometimes children can repeat the direction perfectly but still don’t do it.
This may involve executive functioning.
Executive functioning is a group of cognitive skills that helps us organize our behavior and accomplish goals.
It includes abilities such as:
- Planning
- Working memory
- Organization
- Task initiation
- Flexible thinking
- Impulse control
- Self-monitoring
- Attention
A child might know they need to clean their room but have no idea where to begin.
To an adult, “clean your room” sounds like one task.
To a child, it may actually mean:
- Pick up toys
- Put books away
- Place clothes in the hamper
- Make the bed
- Throw away garbage
- Organize the desk
The child may become overwhelmed before starting.
Breaking large directions into smaller steps can dramatically change how manageable a task feels.
Sensory Processing Can Influence Listening and Attention
Imagine trying to follow a complicated conversation while someone flashes lights beside you, music is playing loudly, and your chair keeps moving.
It would probably be difficult.
Some children experience everyday environments in a similarly distracting way.
A child may be trying to process:
- Classroom conversations
- Fluorescent lights
- People walking around
- Clothing sensations
- Movement
- Background noises
- Visual clutter
- Their own body’s need for movement
When the nervous system is working hard to process sensory information, fewer resources may be available for listening and remembering directions.
This is one reason some children follow directions beautifully in a quiet environment but struggle significantly in a busy classroom, store, restaurant, or playground.
Why Can My Child Follow Directions Sometimes but Not Other Times?
Parents often say:
“I know they can do it because I’ve seen them do it before.”
That’s an important observation.
Performance can change depending on the environment and the child’s state at that moment.
Following directions may become harder when a child is:
- Tired
- Hungry
- Excited
- Overwhelmed
- Distracted
- Anxious
- Dysregulated
- In a noisy environment
- Transitioning away from a preferred activity
The complexity of the direction matters too.
Following:
“Bring me your shoes.”
is very different from:
“Put your toys away, get your shoes, grab your backpack, and wait by the door.”
A child may be completely successful with the first and struggle with the second.
Why Repeating the Direction Louder Usually Doesn’t Help
When children don’t follow a direction, adults naturally repeat themselves.
Sometimes we repeat ourselves several times—and each repetition becomes louder.
But if the difficulty involves language processing, working memory, sensory overload, or executive functioning, increased volume doesn’t solve the underlying problem.
Instead, try changing how the information is presented.
For example, rather than repeating:
“Get dressed, brush your teeth, pack your backpack, and put your shoes on!”
try giving one or two steps at a time or using a visual routine.
Visual Supports Can Reduce the Memory Demand
Visual schedules aren’t only for very young children.
They can be incredibly useful because the child doesn’t have to keep every instruction in working memory.
A morning routine might show:
- Get dressed
- Eat breakfast
- Brush teeth
- Put on shoes
- Grab backpack
Instead of repeatedly asking:
“What are you supposed to be doing?”
you can direct the child back to the visual.
Over time, this can support greater independence.
Try Giving Fewer Words
Adults sometimes add more language when children don’t understand.
Ironically, that can make things harder.
Instead of:
“Okay, we really need to get going now because we’re going to be late, so I need you to finish what you’re doing, put everything away, and then go find your shoes.”
Try:
“Clean up. Then shoes.”
Simple language can reduce processing demands.
You can gradually increase complexity as the child’s skills improve.
Ask Your Child to Repeat the Direction
After giving a direction, instead of asking:
“Did you hear me?”
try:
“What are you going to do first?”
Most children will automatically say “yes” when asked whether they heard something.
Having them explain the direction gives you much better information about whether they understood and remembered it.
Use “First, Then” Language
For children who struggle with transitions or task initiation, simple first-then language can make expectations clearer.
For example:
“First shoes, then outside.”
“First homework, then game.”
“First pajamas, then story.”
This reduces the amount of language the child needs to process while clearly communicating what happens next.
Make Directions Developmentally Appropriate
Sometimes adults unintentionally give children more information than they’re ready to manage.
If your child consistently struggles with three-step directions, start with successful one- or two-step directions.
Once those become easier, gradually increase the challenge.
Success builds confidence and provides opportunities to strengthen the underlying skill.
How Can Occupational Therapy Help?
Occupational Therapy may help when difficulty following directions is connected to areas such as:
- Attention
- Executive functioning
- Sensory processing
- Emotional regulation
- Motor planning
- Sequencing
- Task initiation
- Independence with routines
Therapy might involve completing obstacle courses in a specific sequence, remembering steps during games, following directions during crafts, navigating multi-step activities, or practicing everyday routines.
To the child, it may feel like play.
But the therapist is intentionally creating opportunities to practice planning, remembering, organizing, and completing tasks.
How Can Speech Therapy Help?
Speech Therapy may be appropriate when difficulty following directions is related to receptive language or language processing.
A Speech-Language Pathologist may work on:
- Understanding vocabulary
- Following one- and multi-step directions
- Understanding spatial concepts
- Understanding sequencing concepts
- Processing increasingly complex sentences
- Answering questions
- Remembering verbally presented information
As with Occupational Therapy, these skills can be practiced through games, movement, books, play, and activities that keep children engaged.
When Should Parents Consider an Evaluation?
Occasionally forgetting a direction is normal.
Adults do it too.
However, an evaluation may be worth considering if difficulty following directions consistently interferes with your child’s participation at home, school, or in the community.
You may notice:
- Frequent difficulty completing routines
- Needing directions repeated many times
- Forgetting steps almost immediately
- Difficulty following classroom instructions
- Becoming overwhelmed by multi-step tasks
- Difficulty understanding verbal information
- Trouble organizing or beginning tasks
- Frequent frustration around everyday expectations
- Significant differences compared with same-age peers
The goal of an evaluation isn’t simply to determine whether a child “listens.”
It’s to understand why following directions may be difficult.
Pediatric Occupational Therapy and Speech Therapy in Joliet, IL
At BK Kids Pediatric Therapy, we look beyond the behavior we can see.
A child who doesn’t follow a direction may need support with language processing, working memory, attention, sensory regulation, executive functioning, or another foundational skill.
Our pediatric Occupational Therapists and Speech-Language Pathologists provide individualized, play-based therapy designed to help children develop skills they can use in everyday life.
And therapy doesn’t have to feel like work.
Children may practice following directions while completing an obstacle course, playing a game, exploring the sensory gym, doing a craft, participating in pretend play, or working through a fun challenge with their therapist.
We want children to enjoy coming to therapy while developing greater confidence and independence.
BK Kids Pediatric Therapy is located in Joliet, Illinois, and serves families throughout Joliet, Plainfield, Shorewood, New Lenox, Lockport, Romeoville, Minooka, Channahon, Morris, Bolingbrook, and surrounding communities.
If your child frequently forgets directions or struggles with multi-step routines, contact BK Kids Pediatric Therapy to learn more about our Occupational Therapy and Speech Therapy evaluations.