Why Does My Child Have Trouble Making Friends? How Speech Therapy Can Support Social Communication

Some children can pronounce words clearly, speak in complete sentences, and have a great vocabulary—but still struggle to connect with other children.

You may notice your child wants to play with peers but doesn’t seem to know how to join in.

Maybe they talk almost entirely about their favorite topic without realizing the other child has lost interest. They might interrupt frequently, have difficulty taking turns in conversation, misunderstand jokes, or become confused when another child doesn’t say exactly what they mean.

Parents sometimes wonder:

“If my child can talk, why are conversations and friendships so difficult?”

Communication involves much more than producing words and sentences.

Children also need social communication skills—sometimes called pragmatic language—to understand how to use language effectively with other people.

At BK Kids Pediatric Therapy in Joliet, IL, our Speech-Language Pathologists can help children strengthen social communication skills so they can participate more successfully in conversations, play, school, and friendships.

What Is Social Communication?

Social communication is how we use language and nonverbal communication when interacting with other people.

Think about having a conversation with a friend.

Without consciously thinking about it, you probably:

• Listen while the other person talks
• Determine when it’s your turn
• Respond to what they said
• Ask questions
• Add related information
• Notice facial expressions and body language
• Adjust what you’re saying based on their reaction
• Change topics appropriately
• Clarify yourself if they look confused
• Understand when they’re joking
• Recognize when the conversation is ending

That’s a tremendous amount of information to process.

For many children, these skills develop naturally through everyday interactions.

Other children may need more direct support learning how conversations and social interactions work.

What Can Social Communication Difficulties Look Like?

Social communication challenges can look very different from one child to another.

A child might:

• Have difficulty starting conversations
• Rarely ask other people questions
• Talk extensively about one preferred topic
• Interrupt frequently
• Change topics unexpectedly
• Have trouble staying on topic
• Give too much or too little information
• Struggle to join other children who are already playing
• Have difficulty taking turns during play
• Misunderstand jokes or sarcasm
• Interpret language very literally
• Have difficulty recognizing when someone is bored or confused
• Struggle to understand another person’s perspective
• Have trouble repairing communication breakdowns
• Become frustrated when peers don’t follow their play ideas

Some children desperately want friends but simply don’t understand why their interactions aren’t working.

“But My Child Talks All the Time!”

A child can be extremely verbal and still have social communication difficulties.

In fact, these challenges may sometimes be overlooked precisely because the child has a large vocabulary.

Imagine a child who can tell you everything there is to know about dinosaurs.

They know the species, what they ate, where they lived, and which period they came from.

That’s impressive language knowledge.

But during a conversation with another child, they may talk about dinosaurs for 15 minutes without noticing that the other child has stopped responding.

The issue isn’t whether the child can talk.

The challenge is recognizing that communication is shared between people.

A successful conversation involves considering:

What do I want to say?

and

What does the other person know, think, want, or feel?

Conversations Require Turn-Taking

Children learn early that communication goes back and forth.

One person communicates.

The other person responds.

Then the first person responds again.

As conversations become more complex, turn-taking becomes less obvious.

There isn’t always a clear signal saying:

“Your turn!”

Children need to recognize pauses, facial expressions, changes in tone, and other subtle cues.

A child who struggles with conversational turn-taking may:

• Interrupt
• Talk over others
• Give very short responses
• Not respond at all
• Continue talking without giving someone else a turn
• Suddenly leave the conversation

Speech Therapy can provide opportunities to practice this back-and-forth interaction in a supportive environment.

Why Is Staying on Topic Difficult?

Conversations are connected.

If someone says:

“We went swimming yesterday.”

a related response might be:

“I went swimming at my grandma’s house last weekend!”

But a child with social communication difficulties might respond:

“I have a red race car at home.”

The sentence itself is perfectly appropriate language.

The difficulty is that it doesn’t connect to what the other person said.

Staying on topic requires children to:

1. Listen to the other person.
2. Understand what they said.
3. Identify the main topic.
4. Think of related information.
5. Formulate a response.
6. Monitor whether the conversation continues to make sense.

That’s much more complex than simply producing a sentence.

Asking Questions Helps Build Relationships

Children often learn to answer questions before they learn to ask meaningful questions of other people.

Questions are an important part of friendships because they communicate:

“I’m interested in you.”

If one child says:

“I went to a birthday party yesterday!”

another child might ask:

“Whose birthday was it?”

or

“What did you do?”

A child with social communication difficulties might instead respond with something about themselves:

“My birthday is in December.”

That response isn’t necessarily rude or selfish.

The child may simply need help learning that conversations involve showing interest in another person’s experience.

Joining Play Can Be Surprisingly Complicated

Picture three children already building a LEGO city.

Another child wants to join.

What should they do?

They could ask:

“Can I play?”

But joining successfully may require more than that.

The child needs to:

• Observe what the group is doing
• Understand the play theme
• Identify how they could participate
• Approach appropriately
• Communicate an idea
• Accept that the group may already have a plan
• Negotiate roles
• Adjust their own ideas

A child who struggles with these skills may walk over and immediately change the game.

They might grab a toy.

They may insist everyone follow their idea.

Or they may stand nearby wanting to participate but have no idea how to enter the interaction.

Speech Therapy can help children practice strategies for joining and maintaining play with others.

Perspective-Taking Is Part of Communication

To communicate successfully, we have to recognize that other people don’t always know, think, or feel the same things we do.

Imagine your child walks into the room and says:

“He took it!”

You have no idea who he is or what it means.

Your child knows exactly what happened, so from their perspective the sentence makes perfect sense.

But they haven’t considered what you know.

A more complete explanation might be:

“My brother took the LEGO car I was building.”

Perspective-taking helps children determine how much information another person needs.

It also helps with:

• Understanding emotions
• Predicting how someone might react
• Resolving disagreements
• Recognizing misunderstandings
• Interpreting intentions
• Maintaining friendships

These are sophisticated communication skills that continue developing throughout childhood.

What Does “Reading the Room” Mean for Children?

Adults constantly adjust communication based on subtle social information.

If someone looks confused, we explain differently.

If someone looks excited, we may keep talking.

If someone repeatedly looks toward the door, we might recognize they need to leave.

Children gradually learn to notice these cues.

Depending on the child, a Speech-Language Pathologist may help them recognize useful information from:

• Facial expressions
• Tone of voice
• Gestures
• Context
• What another person says or does
• The situation itself

The goal should not be forcing children to behave according to rigid social rules or demanding uncomfortable eye contact.

Instead, therapy can help children understand the information available in an interaction and develop strategies that make communication easier and more successful.

Literal Language Can Create Confusion

Language isn’t always literal.

Imagine a teacher says:

“Hold your horses!”

A child who interprets language literally may wonder:

What horses?

Children eventually encounter:

• Idioms
• Figurative language
• Humor
• Sarcasm
• Multiple-meaning words
• Indirect requests

Consider:

“It’s freezing in here!”

The speaker may not literally mean the room is below 32 degrees.

They probably mean:

“I’m really cold.”

Understanding these meanings requires children to use context rather than interpreting every word exactly as spoken.

These skills become increasingly important as children get older and both classroom and peer language become more sophisticated.

Social Communication Can Affect School

Social communication difficulties aren’t limited to recess.

Children use pragmatic language throughout the school day.

They need it to:

• Participate in group projects
• Ask teachers for clarification
• Work with partners
• Take turns during discussions
• Explain their thinking
• Resolve disagreements
• Understand classroom expectations
• Participate in collaborative learning
• Navigate unstructured times such as lunch and recess

A child may be academically capable but still find the social communication demands of school exhausting or confusing.

Social Communication and Emotional Regulation

Communication difficulties can sometimes contribute to frustration.

Imagine wanting to play with other children but repeatedly having interactions go wrong.

Maybe peers walk away.

Maybe the child doesn’t understand why someone became upset.

Maybe a disagreement happens and the child doesn’t know how to explain their perspective.

Over time, these situations can lead to frustration, avoidance, or emotional reactions.

This is another reason it’s important to look beyond the behavior itself.

Sometimes a child needs support learning what to say and do when an interaction becomes difficult.

How Can Speech Therapy Help?

Speech-Language Pathologists work on much more than articulation.

Depending on the child’s individual needs, Speech Therapy may address:

• Starting conversations
• Maintaining conversations
• Asking relevant questions
• Responding to others
• Staying on topic
• Changing topics appropriately
• Conversational turn-taking
• Understanding nonliteral language
• Recognizing communication breakdowns
• Clarifying messages
• Perspective-taking
• Making inferences
• Problem-solving during social situations
• Joining play
• Negotiating with peers
• Understanding social context
• Self-advocacy

The goal isn’t to create a scripted way a child must communicate.

The goal is to give children more tools for successfully expressing themselves and understanding other people.

What Does Social Communication Therapy Look Like?

For children, the best opportunities often happen during meaningful activities.

A Speech-Language Pathologist might use:

Games

Board games naturally create opportunities for turn-taking, flexible thinking, problem-solving, and communication.

Pretend Play

A pretend restaurant, store, veterinarian office, or school can create dozens of natural communication opportunities.

Books

Stories allow children to discuss what characters know, think, feel, and might do next.

Conversation Activities

Older children may practice starting conversations, asking follow-up questions, or recognizing when a listener needs additional information.

Problem-Solving Scenarios

A therapist might ask:

“You want to play soccer, but your friend wants to play basketball. What could you do?”

The goal is to explore possible solutions rather than teaching that there’s only one “correct” social response.

How Can Parents Support Social Communication at Home?

Everyday family interactions provide opportunities to practice these skills.

Model Follow-Up Questions

If your child tells you:

“We played kickball today!”

you might model:

“I could ask, ‘Who was on your team?’ because that helps me learn more about what happened.”

Talk About Characters in Books and Shows

Ask:

“Why do you think she did that?”

or:

“How do you think he felt when that happened?”

Practice Flexible Responses

Talk about situations where more than one solution could work.

Give Enough Information

If your child tells a confusing story, avoid immediately correcting them.

Try:

“I know someone took something, but I’m not sure who or what they took. Can you give me another clue?”

This helps the child recognize what information the listener is missing.

Create Natural Peer Opportunities

Structured activities around shared interests can sometimes make interaction easier because children already have something in common to talk about and do.

When Should Parents Consider a Speech-Language Evaluation?

Not every shy child needs Speech Therapy.

Not every child who prefers playing alone has a communication disorder.

Children also have different personalities, interests, and social preferences—and those differences should be respected.

An evaluation may be worth considering when communication difficulties consistently interfere with your child’s ability to participate in activities they want or need to participate in.

You may notice your child:

• Wants friends but struggles to maintain friendships
• Has difficulty joining peer play
• Rarely participates in back-and-forth conversations
• Frequently interrupts or talks over others
• Has difficulty staying on topic
• Talks extensively about preferred interests without noticing listener responses
• Struggles to ask others questions
• Misunderstands figurative or indirect language
• Has difficulty explaining misunderstandings
• Frequently experiences communication breakdowns with peers
• Has difficulty adjusting communication for different people or situations
• Becomes frustrated during social interactions

A Speech-Language evaluation can help determine which communication skills are strong and which may benefit from additional support.

Pediatric Speech Therapy in Joliet, IL

Communication isn’t simply about how many words a child knows or whether they pronounce every sound correctly.

Communication is also about connection.

It’s how children share an idea, tell a joke, ask a friend to play, explain when something went wrong, participate in a group, advocate for themselves, and build relationships.

At BK Kids Pediatric Therapy, our Speech-Language Pathologists provide individualized, engaging Speech Therapy designed to help children strengthen the communication skills they need in real life.

We want children to develop more confidence, more independence, and more tools for connecting with the people around them—while still respecting each child’s individual personality and communication style.

BK Kids Pediatric Therapy is located in Joliet, Illinois, and proudly serves families throughout Joliet, Plainfield, Shorewood, New Lenox, Lockport, Romeoville, Minooka, Channahon, Morris, Bolingbrook, Naperville, Oswego, Yorkville, Wilmington, and surrounding communities.

If you’re concerned about your child’s social communication, conversations, or ability to interact successfully with peers, contact BK Kids Pediatric Therapy to learn more about pediatric Speech Therapy or schedule a Speech-Language evaluation.